1. After reviewing the information about the drafting introduction on page 3, review your own intro and decide what you can do to:
a. more clearly show what is at stake for your issue:
-If I focus on satisfaction over dedication then you may get lazier and forget what your main goal is in your career.
b. more thoroughly contextualize your issue with background information (this is helpful for both intro and conclusion)
-For background; gym owners trying to satisfy the customers besides themselves. I can go into more detail how gym owners attempt to satisfy themselves over customers.
c. write a few sentences for a. and b. that you will insert into your next draft.
Being satisfied with your job leads to being too relaxed, and when your relaxed you do not want to do important tasks for your job so your business fails. For example, if a customer were angry about his/her food being undercooked, they have a right to order the employees to cook the food to their taste without the employees having a problem with them.
2. Review your topic sentences of your body paragraphs:
a. Whether you are doing org. plan 1 or 2, your topic sentences should contain the criteria that you are discussing in the paragraph. (Review bottom of page 4 and all of page 5).
b. If you have any main topic sentences (do at least two here) that don’t contain the criteria of your definition that you are about to discuss in your paragraph, paste the old sentence, then write the revision of it that you will change in your next draft, like this:
i. OLD SENTENCE: Some would think that if you, being a gym owner, were not satisfied, you are not considered to be successful.
ii. NEW SENTENCE: Some people would think that only going to work to get a paycheck does not make you successful because if you are just going for the money then you are not happy with what you are doing.
iii. OLD SENTENCE. If someone were to own a gym and not be content with great satisfaction of their customers, they might as well choose another career path that suits their needs.
iv. NEW SENTENCE: If you as an owner put your needs before a customers, then this career field is not for you because owning a gym is about other people and not yourself.
3. Now, go through your body paragraphs and make sure that in the evidence sections of them, you are “developing” the criterion you are discussing, which means: explaining/defining each criterion for your definition. By the end of your paper, we should be able to tell a) your definitions, b) the criteria for those definitions, and c) the definitions of those criteria. (Look at page 5, description of BP1).
a. Find your shortest body paragraph. OLD PARAGRAPH: This is a quick way to determine which one needs more development. Some would think that if you, being a gym owner, were not satisfied, you are not considered to be successful. Some owners of gyms would consider their employees to be right with arguments between their customers. This may be, but in the long run, owners who please their customers are the ones who will successfully be content with themselves along with a better business and reputation. Those who own a gym franchise will successfully have customers due to their name advertised nationally no matter how happy or unhappy the customer is. Therefore you can satisfy your own needs over your customers and not worry about losing them.
c. Then paste in a revision of it that contains more details and explanations of the criterion under discussion. Revision: Some would think that if you, being a gym owner, were not satisfied, you are not considered to be successful. Some owners of gyms would consider their employees to be right with arguments between their customers. This may be, but in the long run, owners who please their customers are the ones who will successfully be content with themselves along with a better business and reputation.To please the customer means to make sure there food is cooked well and done, make sure they have everything they need, and make sure they have help whenever needed. Those who own a gym franchise will successfully have customers due to their name advertised nationally no matter how happy or unhappy the customer is. For example, many of the fast food restaurants horror stories that people have heard throughout the years have not killed the business.Therefore you can satisfy your own needs over your customers and not worry about losing them.
4. Look over one of your rebuttal areas. If you have one (and you should; “considering the opposition” or “other viewpoints” is on the rubric) look for a way to revise it to be more developed, if you don’t have one, make one now to add into your next draft. Review page 6 and the ways that you 1) acknowledge opposition to your argument, 2) but prove how the opposition is not strong enough to invalidate your argument.
a. Paste in the old and new rebuttal sections:
OLD: Some would think that if you, being a gym owner, were not satisfied, you are not considered to be successful. Some owners of gyms would consider their employees to be right with arguments between their customers. This may be, but in the long run, owners who please their customers are the ones who will successfully be content with themselves along with a better business and reputation. Those who own a gym franchise will successfully have customers due to their name advertised nationally no matter how happy or unhappy the customer is. Therefore you can satisfy your own needs over your customers and not worry about losing them.
New: Some would think that if you, being a gym owner, were not satisfied, you are not considered to be successful. However, success rates of any business goes up when customers give positive feedback. The way to get positive feedback from customers is making sure they are completely content with your service no matter how unhappy, tired, or miserable you are. Some owners of gyms would consider their employees to be right with arguments between their customers. This may be, but in the long run, owners who please their customers are the ones who will successfully be content with themselves along with a better business and reputation.To please the customer means to make sure there food is cooked well and done, make sure they have everything they need, and make sure they have help whenever needed. Those who own a gym franchise will successfully have customers due to their name advertised nationally no matter how happy or unhappy the customer is. For example, many of the fast food restaurants horror stories that people have heard throughout the years have not killed the business.Therefore you can satisfy your own needs over your customers and not worry about losing them.
b. Or say that you hadn’t gotten around to that yet in your first draft and make one up now to include in your next draft.
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